Ever feel like, as much as you try not to, you’re raising entitled kids? Don’t worry! You’re probably just raising normal human beings. We all tend to think about our own comfort and safety first – it’s biological.
It’s common for young children to get caught up in the magic of receiving during the holidays. It’s normal for small kids to not show their gratitude even when they like something!
But by showing our kids a few simple things to do to show their gratitude – and stepping in to help them when needed – we can help them develop their social skills and a truly grateful heart!
Put the Emphasis on Giving FIRST
It’s common for young children to get caught up in the magic of receiving during the holidays. It’s normal for small kids to not show their gratitude even when they like something!
But by showing our kids a few simple things to do to show their gratitude – and stepping in to help them when needed – we can help them develop their social skills and a truly grateful heart!
Put the Emphasis on Giving FIRST
One of the best ways to get kids thinking about others is to get them out there where others are. For example, if you volunteer in a soup kitchen over the holidays, ask about bringing your kids in to work, too. This approach is best for ages 8 and up but I definitely know some under 8’s who can rock a mean ladle! Other ideas include making soup for a sick neighbor, baking cookies to welcome a family to the neighborhood or donating clothing, toys and books.
This early volunteerism isn’t meant to make your kids feel bad about what they have or even what they want. Seeing firsthand that everyone struggles on some level adds to their humanness. Helping others makes kids feel powerful and important. The experience of serving others (whether they are less fortunate or not) makes kids feel good!
Kids understand best what they experience. By including our kids in giving they get to see that they can make a difference and that it feels really good to do so. A lot of that wishing and whining for the newest gadget (or a kitten, if you live with my 6 year old) naturally dissipates when you take the focus off of receiving first.
Be a Good Steward of Your Own Grateful Heart
This early volunteerism isn’t meant to make your kids feel bad about what they have or even what they want. Seeing firsthand that everyone struggles on some level adds to their humanness. Helping others makes kids feel powerful and important. The experience of serving others (whether they are less fortunate or not) makes kids feel good!
Kids understand best what they experience. By including our kids in giving they get to see that they can make a difference and that it feels really good to do so. A lot of that wishing and whining for the newest gadget (or a kitten, if you live with my 6 year old) naturally dissipates when you take the focus off of receiving first.
Be a Good Steward of Your Own Grateful Heart
Gratitude isn’t something that we’re born with; it’s something that we learn. In order for our children to grow their own grateful heart we have to be good leaders.
Modeling gratitude starts young. Babies as old as one year can understand the nuances of gratitude from their parents.
Say, ‘thank you,’ to your child. Be polite and not bossy. Kids will live what they learn.
Be aware of your own tendency to want things. Not only will this help you avoid a lot of ‘if only we had x,’ kind of behavior but it will also make you more empathetic to the desires of your kids. Of course they want the latest and greatest thing (and they want it NOW!). It’s hard not to want something that’s plastered all over screen and print and displayed right at your eye level at the store. When we can be good role models of desire, and empathetic towards feelings of want, then we can really connect with our kids. Then we have a way to relate to them and discuss gratitude in a way that makes sense to them.
Through your own modeling you’re teaching them that wanting things isn’t bad or rude. It’s how we treat other people, and how we express our wants, that makes the most impact.
Teach Them How to Say “Thank You” – the right way!
Modeling gratitude starts young. Babies as old as one year can understand the nuances of gratitude from their parents.
Say, ‘thank you,’ to your child. Be polite and not bossy. Kids will live what they learn.
Be aware of your own tendency to want things. Not only will this help you avoid a lot of ‘if only we had x,’ kind of behavior but it will also make you more empathetic to the desires of your kids. Of course they want the latest and greatest thing (and they want it NOW!). It’s hard not to want something that’s plastered all over screen and print and displayed right at your eye level at the store. When we can be good role models of desire, and empathetic towards feelings of want, then we can really connect with our kids. Then we have a way to relate to them and discuss gratitude in a way that makes sense to them.
Through your own modeling you’re teaching them that wanting things isn’t bad or rude. It’s how we treat other people, and how we express our wants, that makes the most impact.
Teach Them How to Say “Thank You” – the right way!
Nothing kills true gratitude faster than a forced ‘thank you.’ This is not to say that we shouldn’t encourage our kids to show thankfulness – even when they really aren’t thrilled with a gift – but a nagging, “Say, thank you,” really isn’t the way to show our kids how to express their gratitude.
Talk to your kids about how much thought goes into gift-giving and acts of kindness. Then, even if they don’t love a gift they can better understand that someone was thinking of them. When they really get that concept then ‘thank you’ will naturally roll off their tongues.
Write thank you cards. Have your 3-year-old draw a picture and attach a note of thanks from you. As they grow older you can give young elementary children a fill-in-the-blank card and a nice space for a picture or more text. Set aside time to do this and make it a family activity. Make it fun and talk about how much they’ve enjoyed the gift as you write.
Call attention to their own acts of kindness. When someone says, ‘thank you,’ to them, notice it out loud. “That was very thoughtful of you to hold the door! The lady really appreciated it.” We need to teach our kids that gratitude is a two-way street.
Take the time to instill gratitude into your daily life. Notice out loud the color of the sky. Appreciate your friends and family with words and actions. Ask your kids what they’re thankful for before they go to bed at night.
An attitude of gratitude starts small, but it grows fast!
Talk to your kids about how much thought goes into gift-giving and acts of kindness. Then, even if they don’t love a gift they can better understand that someone was thinking of them. When they really get that concept then ‘thank you’ will naturally roll off their tongues.
Write thank you cards. Have your 3-year-old draw a picture and attach a note of thanks from you. As they grow older you can give young elementary children a fill-in-the-blank card and a nice space for a picture or more text. Set aside time to do this and make it a family activity. Make it fun and talk about how much they’ve enjoyed the gift as you write.
Call attention to their own acts of kindness. When someone says, ‘thank you,’ to them, notice it out loud. “That was very thoughtful of you to hold the door! The lady really appreciated it.” We need to teach our kids that gratitude is a two-way street.
Take the time to instill gratitude into your daily life. Notice out loud the color of the sky. Appreciate your friends and family with words and actions. Ask your kids what they’re thankful for before they go to bed at night.
An attitude of gratitude starts small, but it grows fast!
